Why I Throw My Kids Over The Top Parties

Griffin's First Birthday

It’s birthday party season in the Holland household. Griffin and Amos were born two weeks apart so it’s constant planning, crafting, and baking from April through June. Every spare minute is spent thinking of the best theme, the coolest favors, the most awe-inducing cake. 

Recently, I’ve noticed the over the top birthday party has gotten a bit of a bad rap and part of it is well-deserved. Thanks in part to the Real Housewives and their like, parties became a skeptical of overindulgence. On top of it all, the celebrated child at these lavish affairs often didn’t seem like they were having a good time. I mean nothing says people are done embracing a trend and ready to judge it quite like a TLC reality show. 

Griffin's Second Birthday

And while I would never belong on Outrageous Kid Parties, I do not and will not apologize for my parties. I spent almost a year planning Griffin’s first birthday party. I scoured every corner of the Internet for ideas and spent hours turning those ideas into reality. We had over fifty people in our backyard for barbecue and cake and it was one of the happiest days of my life. I gathered with all the people I love and celebrated this amazing creature that had entered my life. 

That experience only gets better as Griffin becomes more involved in the process of celebrating. Doing it all again with Amos never seems like a chore. It seems like a gift. I figure if I’m lucky I’ll get ten birthday parties with each of them before they become too cool for a “kids party” and I’m going to make the most of every one of them. 

Griffin's Third Birthday

The parties and the memories they create are my gifts to them. If God forbid something happens to me, I hope my boys can look at all the effort I poured into these parties and feel my love for them. Not because parents who don’t throw crazy parties don’t love their kids. That’s absurd. I love entertaining and I love creating and every year I get to do what I love to celebrate who I love. 

So, my labor of love continues. Now, if you excuse me, I have to hot glue a birthday banner. 

What is your labor of love for your kids? Do you hand sew Halloween costumes or cook homemade meals? Does your toddler already have college paid for thanks to your frugal living? Or do you carefully record every milestone in beautifully bound journals? Where do you go above and beyond?

~ Sarah Stewart Holland

Pint-Sized Dictator

He must’ve overheard that his father and I are taking a long overdue vacation to Paris sans kids. And, as payback, he’s decided to take his cues from Napoleon. Yep, my very own pint-sized emperor dictator has arrived. God clearly thought me too smug or, at the very least, in need of a character-building struggle because s/he certainly hasn’t answered my very recent prayers to end my son’s incessant whining and crying.

I realize whining and crying are par for the course for two year olds. But it is a hard adjustment when we’ve made it through three-quarters of this stage with nary a peep. I mean this is was the child who proclaimed, “Little Dude happy, mommy. Little Dude happy,” each and every day. This is the child who transitions from one developmental stage to the next and hits milestones as if he’s a zen master. This is the child who simply woke up one morning and decided he was done with diapers and literally potty trained himself within a week.

Now, he not only deservedly thinks he’s a big boy (hey, he’s out of diapers so I gotta give him that one), but he mistakenly thinks he’s “older” and can demand what he wants. Now! Oh, and get this, he thinks that he never has to listen.

Well, I’ve got news….

5, 4, 3, 3, 1....meltdown!

But, ack, nothing seems to dissuade him of this notion. So, he melodramatically cries and cries and cries some more when he doesn’t get those extra animal crackers, when he has to get dressed because he can’t wear his birthday suit to school, or when he can’t use up the last drops of the Colorado River to water our grass. Even when the waterworks go on for 30-plus minutes, I really make a great effort to respond neutrally and consistently to these events. I don’t engage in game playing. I get down on his level and explain the limit. And I don't do an about face even when my efforts seem in vain. Yet, I still feel the situation is out of control.

No, he isn’t starved for sleep, food, or attention. He is encouraged to be independent. He lives with very few firm household rules and has the freedom to do what he wants within those acceptable boundaries. When we have quiet, cool moments we discuss what happened to help him better understand and label his feelings. But still, there are tantrums.

Despite my dedication to positive parenting techniques, I gotta admit that I am going crazy. I really, truly want the tantrums to occur less frequently, especially because most are in the midst of our morning routine. I really feel like we start the day on the wrong foot. So, I’m tempted to simply send him to his room (or send me to mine!) and shut the door until he figures out how to calm down on his own. Insensitive? Perhaps. But sanity saving? Most definitely.

To those of you who have been here and done this, any advice or tricks of the mommy trade for helping us cope? Is my only hope to remember that this (common) behavior is…for now?

S.O.S.

~ The Other Sarah

Looking Back On Looking Forward

I've spent the last two weekends attending graduation ceremonies. As I sat through several valedictory speeches, I couldn't help but think back to my own speech thirteen years ago. 

I remember stressing about my speech. I wrote one draft in which I imparted all my great wisdom on success. Thankfully, I was self-aware enough at seventeen to eventually realize I didn't actually have any wisdom. Unfortunately, I realized this the night before graduation.

I rewrote my speech with hours to spare and graduation was the first time I had ever delivered it. I decided to be honest about how scared I was and address my classmates and some of what we had been through in our four years of high school. 

While there are still parts that make me cringe, I'm overall proud of my speech all these years later. Looking back it was the first time I really found my voice as a writer and truly realized how much I enjoyed writing itself.

Oh and I cry... a lot. 

So, here it is. Seventeen-year-old Sarah imparting all the wisdom she can manage as she heads off into adulthood (or as much adulthood as you face in college).

~ Sarah Stewart Holland

Memorial Day 2012

Ten years ago (almost to the day), my now husband graduated from the United States Air Force Academy and became a Second Lieutenant. During his years spent on active duty, I learned that it's not only the soldiers who dedicate their lives to public service but their families too. So, in remembrance of their contributions to our country this Memorial Day, I'd like to thank those who wear the uniform and their wives, partners, children, and the community of people who also heroically sacrifice.

Enjoy the holiday with your loved ones. We'll see you back here tomorrow!

~ The Other Sarah

{Featured Friday Review & Giveaway} On My Way to the Bath Children's Book

As bath time approaches, parents usually are (come on admit it) counting down the minutes to get the night’s show on the road while the kids are asking for one, two, three, no, four more minutes of play. No? That’s just my son and me?

On My Way to the Bath, the delightful new children’s book from Sarah Maizes, makes me feel that my family isn’t alone. Despite her mother’s increasingly impatient pleas for Livi to get in the tub, the little girl’s imagination definitely gets the best of her. Getting clean definitely can’t compete with her adventures as a snake, larger-than-life statue, dancing rock star, and jungle cat! So, getting to the bath for Livi and the reader is a very fun, giggle-filled, but slow trip down the hallway.

Through Livi and her upbeat storytelling, Maizes reminds us of the wonderful random worlds that toddlers live in and perhaps that it’s better to let them linger there (even if it’s just for those four extra minutes) so they can continue to imagine, create, and play. The book’s punchy illustrations by Michael Paraskevas only heighten this sense of silliness that makes the story so captivating.

My son absolutely loves this book—truly it was an instant favorite—and he asks to read it every. single. night. “Where’s Livi,” he asks when he’s in the bath, already excited to go to bed. Once we snuggle and crack the cover, his eyes are glued to the pages from beginning to end. And we can never get through Livi’s tale without laughing at the voices we loan to the tuba, shark, and her mom!

My recommendation: Run faster than Livi on the way to the bookstore! Or enter our giveaway for a copy of this great children’s book.

Author Sarah Maizes is a former animation executive, freelance writer, comedian and the founder of www.mommyliteonline.com. She has appeared on the Today Show, Moms Get Real, and Tell Me More on NPR. She lives in Los Angeles with her family. This is her first picture book.

On My Way to the Bath Giveaway

One Salt & Nectar reader has a chance to win the great new Sarah Maizes book.

To enter, leave a comment below telling us how you get your children in the bath.

As always, we will use Random.org to select the winner. The contest will run from today until next Friday, June 1st at 12PM PST.

No purchase is necessary. Odds of winning are based on number of entries received (duplicate entries will be deleted and only one will be counted). This giveaway is open to US residents 18 and older only.  

To learn more about On My Way to the Bath, like it on Facebook. To keep up with Sarah Maizes, follow her on her Web site, Facebook and Twitter.

Neither Sarah nor Salt & Nectar were paid for this review. It is my own opinion based on my family's use of the book, which was supplied for the purpose of an experiential review.

~ The Other Sarah