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Thursday
Apr052012

Guest Post: Boys, Boys, Everywhere

So I’m pregnant with a boy. My toddler is a boy. My husband is a boy. My dog is a boy. It’s like an invasion over here.

I love my boy toddler so much. He is so sweet, funny and easygoing. I know how lucky I am to have him. I should have been hoping for a carbon copy of him with the second kid but, of course, I really had my fingers crossed for a girl. I need someone in this house on my team!

The day we found out, I spent a lot of time thinking about my concerns about raising boys—and granted I am highly irrational due to pregnancy, and the nature of myself, but I’ll share them with you anyway. I’ve divided my fears into two categories: short-term and long-term.

My short-term fears are mainly injury-related. My son is constantly doing weird feats of strength or jumping off things or onto people. No major injuries have been sustained, but I view him as a ticking time bomb of ER runs. Plus my husband plays hockey so he’s not going to be a great influence on these boys.

In general, my short-term fear list is much shorter for boys than for girls. Girls seem like the much trickier gender once school begins. The social politics of the young female species are terrifying. So much drama and (unlike in my days) it doesn’t end when the school day does, it just moves online and gains a wider audience. To be frank, it gives me the heebie-jeebies. Boys I think can avoid a lot of this warfare by having a cool haircut or playing the guitar. Again, just guessing but it seems to be working for that Beiber kid.

My long-term fears are where my paranoid delusions really start to shine. Basically my fear is that I’m going to pour all my heart and soul into raising these boys and they are going to grow up and leave me. They will get married (probably to harlots (again, not necessarily logical fears)) and then I’ll be right out. They won’t want to hang out with me or want my advice or need me in any way. Of course, my husband will still get to be their pal and go surfing together or play ‘let’s punch each other really hard’ or whatever guys do. It’s not the same for women. It seems to me like my relationship with my sons will depend on whether or not a person (who might not be born yet) likes me. Am I crazy here?! Well yes. I have no rational basis for these fears. No personal experiences (my brother still needs our Mom, my Mother-in-law totally lucked out when she got me, etc.). No anecdotal horror stories (Do NOT share them in the comments, obviously I’m already off my rocker. I don’t need help.). But still. These are the things I think about.

So my plan is to go ahead and pour my heart and soul into raising my boys and hope for the best. Probably I’ll raise them to be make smart choices and they will choose great partners in life and they will be amazing husbands and fathers and I will love every minute of it. But if we are lucky enough to have a third child, I am still going to cross my fingers for a girl. Because that girl will grow into a woman who I can then go to coffee with and discuss how gross boys are. That’s the dream folks.

~ Leslie Foss of Ipso Momso

 

Reader Comments (4)

I feel the exact. same. way.

That last paragraph -- I repeat a similar version to myself daily.

For what it's worth, most of my friends live closer in geographic proximity to their MILs than their mothers. Even if they don't adore their MILs, they certainly ship the kids (and maybe husband) over there to get "me time.". I'm holding out hope that even if my DIL is whacko, maybe she'll need a babysitter.

Congrats on boy #2. They really are spectacular.

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

I have four lovelies (2 boys, 2 girls). My goal for my sons when they get married is to be the kind of MIL that my daughter-in-laws want to be around. Not guilting, not giving unsolicited advice, not being a know-it-all. We'll see if I can actually hold my tongue when the time comes. My own mom is so laid back and easy to be around - My husband adores her, I want to be like that!

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

This thought terrifies me every day as I'm expecting my first baby...we're keeping gender a surprise but I have a really strong feeling it's a boy and I'm already obsessing over "what if I don't have a girl?" thing. I love boys too but looking at my and brother's relationship with mom, I won't stop until a girl comes out :)

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterirena

I think you nailed it on your last paragraph....and that shows that you know the truth deep down. You WILL raise excellent men, and there is no way they will ever want to ditch you. I find that with my husband, he is more connected to his mom than I am, actually. So, that's something to consider too.:-) With time and continuing to be a fabulous mom, I'm sure you will have a lifelong relationship with him.:-) Plus! You get the next best thing - girls in your life (daughter-in-laws), without having to go through the awful teenage "I hate you. You don't know anything. I'm wearing whatever I want..." drama years.:-)

May 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFlora

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