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Tuesday
Aug212012

Pregnant with another one? Top 5 reasons you should wait to toilet train your toddler until well after the new baby arrives

I began toilet training my twin girls just after they turned two, in the hopes that they would be good to go by the time baby #3 arrived six months later.  After a great start during which they consistently used the toilet for several weeks, they regressed and I, in my heavily pregnant state, decided to drop the issue until a later date. When my newborn was about six weeks old, my twins one day decided they no longer wanted to wear diapers.

Let the good times begin.  

5.  You still want a fighting chance at leaving the house on time.

You somehow managed to pull yourself together, brush your teeth and pack your diaper bag just in time to walk out of the house on schedule with a newborn in tow. Just as you are rushing to find your shoes, your bare foot sloshes through a warm puddle on the kitchen floor.   Delays ensue as you hop on one foot to the sink, clean the floor, and locate the offending toddler, who now requires an outfit change but of course will only wear the pink dress - no, not that pink dress, the other pink dress that is obviously located deep in a tangle in the dryer.

4.  Maintaining a semi-sanitary nursing environment for the baby is healthy. 

Newborn babies nurse for approximately 37 hours per day.  Toilet-training toddlers pee and poop approximately 56 times per day.  These worlds will collide and you’ll find yourself holding a baby sucking on your breast with your left arm while bent over in the bathroom using your other arm to undress a toddler, hoist her onto the toilet, wipe her poopy butt, re-dress her, and applaud her use of the toilet.  This just can’t be sanitary. 

3. You prefer to jog while unencumbered by a newborn strapped to your chest.

You’ll be out for a stroll to the store with your beautiful children when you feel a tug at your hand and a voice saying, “Mommy, I have to pee. NOW.”  It’s only a couple of blocks to your house and you can see that there’s already a line for the restroom at the Starbucks in front of you.  There’s only one thing to do: Clutch that baby in the carrier tightly to your chest, grab that toddler by the hand (or two toddlers in my case), and dash towards home, yelling “Hold it!  We’re so close! Just hold it! Run!" 

2. Peeing on the ground is best left for hiking and camping excursions.

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon at the park, you set up your blanket on the grassy lawn and turn around to find your toddlers have ripped their underwear and dresses off and are peeing on the ground while gleefully shouting, “Mom, I’m peeing!”... as throngs of picnickers look on.  Because, of course, they can’t pee just once, a few minutes later you find yourself crouched at the base of a tree awkwardly balancing a naked toddler above the ground so she can pee while the baby in the carrier screams her head off right in your face.  

1.  You do not want to become known among the neighborhood parents as “The Flying Nipple Lady.” 

When out at the weekly singalong group or in toddler yoga class, inevitably your child looks at you and mouths with extreme urgency, “Mom, I have to pee!”  You are nursing the baby and have a split second to decide which would be more embarrassing: Your child peeing on the floor in the midst of a dozen or so joyfully playing children, or having all of the parents in the room witness your bare nipples flying around the room while you run to scoop up your toddler and rush her to the toilet.   In my experience, flying nipples are less embarrassing.  

Allison is a lawyer in New York City and spends an inordinate amount of time corresponding with other twin moms about things like toilet training.  She somehow managed to find the elusive job that offers actual work-life balance, enabling her to put her expensive law school education to good use while also enjoying plenty of time at home with her three beautiful girls, weekend yoga classes, and the occasional dinner out with her husband, who makes it all possible.

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    Pregnant with another one? Top 5 reasons you should wait to toilet train your toddler until well after the new baby arrives - The Blog - salt & nectar
  • Response
    Pregnant with another one? Top 5 reasons you should wait to toilet train your toddler until well after the new baby arrives - The Blog - salt & nectar

Reader Comments (3)

This is both hilarious and wise. I don't know that I agree that flying nipples are less embarrassing (although The Flying Nipples would be a great name for an all-girl punk rock band), but then again I'm pretty modest and I can always blame that stupid "Toilet Training in Less Than a Day" book for accidents. Thanks for the great laughs.

August 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmily Guy Birken

Omg Emily! Do you play any instruments because I am totally up for starting a public band! Allison you in!?!

August 22, 2012 | Registered CommenterSalt & Nectar

Allison this is hilarious, thanks for sharing it!

December 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMira375

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