Plugged In

So, it didn't go so well. 

Not my trip. My trip was fantastic. I hadn't been to Arizona since I was a little girl and had forgotten how beautiful it was. 

No. I had trouble unplugging. 

The first two days I had to have my phone on because Nicholas hadn't joined us yet and I needed to be accessible. Once I'd slid that little button across to text him back or return his call, it was virtually impossible not to check my email with it's bright red number alert growing larger by the second.

So, I tried moving Facebook and email to the last screen so I wouldn't always see it.

That helped a little. 

I told myself once Nicholas arrived I would stop. I'd plug in the phone and walk away. But...my friend thought she was in labor or we were going to be separated or I wanted to have a camera with me. One excuse after the other and there wasn't a single day I didn't check my messages.

It wasn't a complete failure. I didn't take it to the Grand Canyon. I spent a lot of time sitting quietly...although I felt like all I ended up contemplating was other people (including my relatives) on their phones. I did enjoy some quiet moments and finished a book while I was gone with time usually spent reading blogs.

I also felt like I saw faces again for the first time.  I realized how in the those moments of waiting in a line or at a redlight I automatically go to my phone. It was fun to look around and see what the people around me were doing instead...even if it was checking their phones.

Still, I'm disappointed in myself. I had this grand vision of sitting my a lake (despite the fact that I was going to Arizona) and really meditating on the deeper things in life. I could have done a better job. I know that. Nothing was going to fall apart without me.

For the first time in months, I went several days without thinking about a recent betrayal that I have a tendancy to stew on. When I realized I hadn't thought about it in days, I felt lighter. Why didn't I give myself more room for that type of break through? Why was it so hard to put down the dang phone?

Part of the reason is I use my phone for stress relief - especially in my role as a mom. When the boys are stressing me out and I can't phsycially escape, I can mentally check out. If I feel overwhelmed witht the grabbing and the needing and the crying, I can touch a screen and be reminded of my life beyond the constant demands of my children. 

Perhaps I should take a deep breath or walk around the block, but that isn't always feesible and it certainly isn't as easy as checking Facebook. 

Of course, the ugly truth is often an quick glimpse at my email or scroll through my news feed leads to more stress not less. I'm reminded of projects I should be doing or work that needs to get done. However, sometimes I see a picture that makes me smile or a supportive message from a friend.

In other words, I wish I didn't need it but I can't give it up.

What type of role does technology play in your life? Are you the one in control or do you wish you used it less?

~ Sarah Stewart Holland

Why I'm Unplugging

 

If I'm being honest, there have been a lot of signs along the way. Breaking my face trying to protect my iPhone. Griffin telling me to "get off the computer!" Friends beginning to joke about how often they looked up to see me staring at my iPhone. 

I have a screen problem. The problem being I don't go more than 30 minutes at a time without checking my iPhone or sitting down to my computer. I even do it in yoga - God save me. 

I tell myself that I have to be plugged in for my job(s) and in a sense that's true. However, I can schedule posts and Facebook statuses. The world won't come to an end if I don't respond to every single comment. Not to mention, the Facebook trolling has little to nothing to do with Salt & Nectar or my gig at Paducah Life. 

And even if a lot of my screen time is related to work, everybody needs a vacation. I haven't taken a real break since Amos was born and it's time. By the time most of you read this, I'll be on my way to Phoenix. We're heading out west for a wedding but plan to take in some sites while we're there. 

Big sites. The Grand Canyon. A sunset in Sedona. 

I want to be present for these sites - not thinking about turning them into a status or post. I want to reconnect with my family. I want to reconnect with myself. 

I want to silence the urgent, so I can hear the important.

So, I'll see y'all in a week. If I don't answer an email or Facebook message, you'll know why. Salt & Nectar will still be here and I have a post scheduled for Thursday but know when you read it on your screen, I will be far away from mine. 

~ Sarah Stewart Holland

How to easily manage screen time

"The iPad never causes problems in my house!" said no mom ever...certainly never me.

Due to the recent influx of awesome iPad apps in my home, iPad usage had become a bit of a problem. Griffin wanted to use it all the time and I did NOT want him to use it all the time. Conflict! More importantly, I didn't want to spend so much mental energy determining how much iPad he had already watched and if he should be allowed to watch more. I was over it.

So, I did what every good mother does. I went to Pinterest! I had seen screen time tickets and I loved these tokens. However, I didn't want to have to constantly be printing more tickets and I thought Amos would definitely put those tokens straight in his mouth. That baby LOVES a choking hazard. There were some other VERY crafty options but I didn't really want to spend my entire afternoon and $20 at Michael's creating the cutest screen management system known to man. I just wanted my kid to stop watching fifty hours of iPad a day!

My criteria were simple:

• I wanted to make it with stuff I already had.
• I wanted Griffin to have a very visual reminder of how much time he had left on the iPad/iPhone/TV.
• I'm lazy and didn't want to have to do all the managing myself.

TA DA! This is what I came up with:

I took my circle punch and some craft paper I had on hand and punched four circles. I stuck on some numbers I already had but you could just as easily write the numbers. Then, I took a length of orange ribbon and tied it around the panels of the louvered door to my pantry, which is centrally located. Voila!

Each clothespin represents about 20-25 minute of viewing, which is the length on one show (except Sesame Street which is hella long). When Griffin wants to use the iPad, he goes and gets a clothespin off the door and brings it to me. I clip the clothespin on the egg timer and set it for 20ish minutes.

When the timer goes off, so does the iPad - unless he'd like to use another clothespin. 

Here's the BEST PART. Griffin now has a very visual representation of his "currency." A good friend of mine told me her mom (a mother of four) once told her the key to parenting is finding your child's currency - what matters to them/what motivates them - and making sure they understand you control that currency. Could be keys to a car or iPad usage - either way they know you will take it away. 

Now, Griffin has a real currency. His currency is clothespins. We've recently had trouble again with him getting out of bed at naptime and in the evening. The first night after the clothespin system was instituted and institued successfully. I informed Griffin that little boys who didn't sleep would be too tired to watch the iPad the next day. Therefore, every time he got out of bed (unless it was to go to the potty or get a drink of water) he would have to hand me a clothespin from the next day's allotment. 

Two days of waking up to no clothespins and Griffin hasn't gotten out of bed for naps or at night in almost two weeks.

No yelling, no threatening. A simple system that keeps me from being the iPad bad guy AND motivates a child to go to bed at bedtime. That is how I define parenting success! 

How do you manage screen time in your home?

~ Sarah Stewart Holland

Sarah's Favorite Things

Ugh! At this point, Amy Poehler has left me no choice but to stalk her...right after I kidnap Ruby. Y'all, I am so going to jail.

Meagan Francis does it again. Reminds me of a post I wrote a while back.  

Really great thoughts from one of my favorite writers on Having It All. If you want to join the awesome discussion S&N readers are having on the subject, go here. 

Beautiful biography about a woman I'd like to know more about. 

Great tips on making face time not - not screen time - a priority in your family. 

~ Sarah Stewart Holland